Gender & Communication

I am repurposing this from my writing blog which I wasn’t using, to a blog for assignments for my Gender & Communication class until the end of the semester.

Describe and reflect on . . .

1) one interaction with parent(s) that communicated expectations for your gender

There are few specific incidents with my parents that I can remember that communicated expectations for my gender; there are certainly general incidents such as being purchased action figures and playing catch and the like, but few that are specific. One, while I can’t remember if it was a single time or multiple (probably multiple, which serves to reinforce), was being taught manners as a child by my mother. While learning consisted of many things (“Mind your Ps and Qs”), I can remember two in regards to being male. First, that while walking down the street with a lady, as a gentleman it was my job to walk on the outside of the sidewalk in the even that if a passing vehicle splashed water/mud/whatever else, I would supposedly take the brunt of the blast instead of the woman whom I happened to be with. Second, to open doors for women.

The first always seemed quaint to me; a custom from a different time or place but that was practical and self-sacrificing, but more so, it places the man into a more protective role, which looking back on it, would of course extend through my mind in more than just regards to walking in a certain position on the sidewalk. The second always just seemed polite to me, and while taught more in regards to women, it is something I do for everyone.

Now, despite that I find the first quaint and never consciously think about it, it’s something I find myself doing automatically most of the time: it’s scripted. Same with the opening doors. But walking on a specific side of the sidewalk seldom has a reaction in regards to how others perceive me (at least one I’m aware of, beyond being more engaging to the left brain or right brain). Opening doors is different. Even though it’s considered to be “polite,” no one, for the most part, cares. There is the periodic “thank you” that is actually appreciative, but most of the time the thank you has about as much thought put into it as the thought it took for me to open the door — scripted responses, no more. But sometimes, there’s another response, one that comes almost entirely from women: a look of disgust, and no more. This look to me signals a possible two things, either: 1) “I can get the door for myself, jackass.” Or 2) “This guy’s a doormat.” Not pleasant, but viewed socially, the idea of “doormat” seems to apply, as whomever enters a room first is perceived as having a higher status/value. So in general, while I may enjoy being polite for others, going in first and then holding the door until the other person can hold it for themselves is a more neutral practice when dealing with strangers on the street.


2) the most recent interaction with someone who communicated expectations for your gender.

While I am certain this happens in every day interaction on unconscious levels, the most recent time I can think of is while taking a group Salsa dancing lesson. The male instructor at the time made a comment about men being followers vs. their normal role in partner dancing being the leader; his comment was along the lines of “Men shouldn’t be led on the dance floor. It’s not right.” But the best instructors know both the leader’s part and the follower’s part (as he does); that, it seems, is reserved for in lessons. In Salsa (or most partner dances I’ve done), I’ve never seen a man dance with another man outside of a lesson and rarely in a lesson. The one time was done reluctantly by a male instructor when there were less followers than leaders, so he jumped in to fix the imbalance. This is quite contrary to a time when I did some Lindy Hop, where the male instructor jumped in to be led when I wanted some help so he could find what I needed help on, but then also placed me in the follower’s role so I could feel the proper amount of pressure I needed to use for the correct lead and then switched back (something that I have never seen happen while I’ve Salsa dancing). And more so, the Lindy instructor was much more comfortable with it.